Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
