You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
