worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Randomize
