Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
