I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
God, you're like boner-b-gone
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
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Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
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