so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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