I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
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