i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize