sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
