I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
