I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
