the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
