On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
