If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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