Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Alive.
So much puke
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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