Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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