Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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