honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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