I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
