dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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