That's when you crack a 10am beer
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
