Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
