I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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