I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
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He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
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come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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