i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
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He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
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I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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