I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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