Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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