I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
i think im in europe. pls send help
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
