Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
