Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
