You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
