office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
