If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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