Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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