I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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