I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
