he wants to bone in the snuggie
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm determined to sit on that face.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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