My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
