I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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