Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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