...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
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after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
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"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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