My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My friends, they love my intelligence
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
