3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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