that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
