So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
