just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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