do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
