Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
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