1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
