hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
