Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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