It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize