nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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