i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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