It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
