my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
