She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
