This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
